INFIDELITY HAS A CHILD’S FACE

Infidelity, intrigue and childhood trauma show the drama of modern family collapse in a complex weave. It is the sudden “awakening” we might call cheating in an established family relationship.

INFIDELITY

An understanding of cheating would not be accurate without considering such a concept as a “love affair”. The affair is the cause of strife, hatred and the total rejection of all formerly called love, joy, peace and grace in the history of family life.

The difference between an affair and a love affair is cardinal: firstly, adultery is not just the withdrawal from a relationship, its abrupt and irrevocable rupture. It is a total collapse of the mental foundations of the family, the destruction of traditions acquired by the family; it is the instantaneous destruction of all its rituals; it is a collapse from which it is impossible to recover. For in an instant, a person annihilates EVERYTHING without a shadow of a doubt and any acknowledgement from the other (partner, children, parents, friends, and so on).

The reason for adultery is the inability to live, breathe and exist without love, which you have found in another, but unfortunately, not in the person closest to you. The outcome of adultery is disintegration and no return.

LOVE AFFAIR

Unlike adultery as a sufficiently rational strategy, intrigue is an acute affair. It is sexual excitement that consumes a person, or rather two people, joining together in a rapture of effect; it is bondage in which consciousness disappears, the reason is abolished, and there is absolutely no power to control it (affect).

The love affair incites aggression and violence, often enough to lead to war. The power of the love affair lies in its one effect, the “libido” (or “sexual passion”). This is the affect in which death and life are secretly intertwined. Hence, the intrigue in love is the edge of dying, and the price of the resurrection is human life.

So it turns out that a love affair is a disease in which the mind is “shrunk” by genitals, the conscience turns into awful guilt, and the cause is “that other” with whom one has lived all one’s life and from whom one must now get rid of urgently, for “he is to blame for everything”.

“Getting rid of” will allow one to enjoy and “die” in the object of a love affair, in the whirlwind of which dramas, tragedies, romance, illusions and fantasies are woven. And in this whirlwind, reality disappears, and total pleasure comes, the price of which will be determined much later…

CHILDREN’S TRAUMA

In this version, the answer is one. Infidelity and intrigue kill the childhood of children who are not just spectators of their parents’ drama, but are the protagonists of it.

• First, there is the factor of blood kinship. The couple is not related by blood. The man and the woman in the couple are strangers in that respect. Yes, an emotional relationship has formed between them, but this relationship excludes blood love or love on purpose. Namely, blood kinship can never be completely broken. Consequently, children are destined to love their parents! And the rupture of relations between father and mother will lead to the splitting of their Ego, which we will call childhood trauma.
• Secondly, childhood trauma is a split ego of children, in which ambivalent attitudes towards the object of love will forever be their “calling card” in love.
• Thirdly, children will painfully endure the loss of the habit of seeing their parents together. For a long time, they will entertain the hope that things will change and stay the same.

And most importantly: the closer and more intimate the relationship between the parents, the deeper the trauma will be. Adolescent children, for example, will lose the ability to make quality choices about their loved partner. Younger pupils will experience the loss with increased anxiety, fears, panic attacks and phobia. Preschoolers will continually replay the trauma in unauthorized hysteria, unrestrained anger and a total rejection of joy. The least fortunate will be the youngest. If a mother lives through infidelity or intrigue with depression and, as a result, the loss of emotional attachment to the child, a person will grow him who will have either the “dead mother phenomenon” or “malignant narcissism.”

Such people will not have any distinctive features from all others, but they will never be able to love or restore in their imagination that mother who is alive, but in terms of emotional closeness, is lost.

So, what should be remembered before making a drastic decision towards infidelity or a love affair?

Infidelity is a strategy and choice inherent in a mature person deciding to “find love”. In most cases, only strong people are capable of cheating. Infidelity is cruel in form but effortless in essence because it puts everything in its place.

A love affair is a passion that draws in, entangles, envelopes and ensnares the lovers and their families. This passion is cruel because it is permeated with deception, whose cost is irreversible in its consequences. Before engaging in a love affair, one must be aware of the cost of the affect and its always-losing outcome: fading away…

Except that there is no way to bring back the broken bond, to heal and restore the child’s devastated heart…

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