It is a deep look, as if into the very soul, into its innermost corners, with nowhere to hide. She holds it steadfastly, even if there is fear, which is replaced by interest fast.
Therefore, I will remember this meeting forever because you feel undisguised interest and some incredible desire, ready for anything, even the unknown.
…only children stare like that.
My very young Client came to see me with her parents to see a psychologist, perhaps, learn something, and tell me about herself.
We all sat down and started our adult conversations, leaving the child to do what she thought was right.
But out of all the things we offered, she only wanted to draw.
From time to time, while she was working on some subject that only she knew, she would look at us, and then, after some hesitation, she came first to her father and then to her mother, sat down next to them and became sad.
Since she was mostly silent and only moved between the adults, I asked her why she was sad. She replied in a very “adult” way that she felt sorry for her mum. However, over time, she continued to paint again.
After finishing the last touches of her first handwritten work, she drew our attention to herself and began telling us her story without any need for questions.
About how she goes to school, who plays with her and with whom she communicates. For some reason, there were only two boys in her class to play with her.
She shared with a smile her life, in which the desired and the real harmoniously merged into one unbelievable story of a little dreamer.
The second meeting was completely different.
Adults and she, small and yet somehow “grown-up”.
There was no need to ask her questions. She went to the flipchart again and started drawing without invitation or suggestion.
Only now, while drawing, she was talking about a large body (she called it her own) in which a completely different girl from her class lives. She refuses to communicate and be friends with my Client. And that she, this girl, tells others to avoid her. My Client added that she wanted to be friends with this girl because the teacher was quite nice to her. And finally, she said that the complicated thing for her is when the girl who lives in this big body persuades others against my Client, and a little dreamer cannot get rid of the girl from a large body.
Listening to the child’s words and noticing how quickly she turns the giant pages of the flipchart, adding new storylines to the drawing, telling me that I can’t be so big, and I need to let this girl inside my giant body out. And that she is no longer a part of it. And that it is so easy to be without her and significant that she is perhaps close, but not in this body. Then the next page and a completely different story about someone she wants to be friends with.
And that’s it!
It took only a few meetings to find and decipher the cause of the parent’s anxiety.
The fear was that the child had a tantrum after school for no reason, and it was impossible to calm him down.
And the child’s deep sadness that someone he knows by face and name was setting others against a little dreamer. That all the other classmates listen to the person who is persuading them. And that the teacher is very fond of the person who is setting others against a little girl. And that even if they take away her toys, she is not sad since, at least, some children play with her that way.
So, combining all these children’s storylines, we can describe a classic picture of bullying-cajoling or bullying-rejection-ignoring.
But the trouble is that my little girl is only six and a half years old. And she is in the first grade.
She is going through a challenging crisis in her life, and in this crisis, instead of adaptation, she receives the opposite maladaptive stimuli.
And none of those who are responsible for this girl within the school, and even the main one is the teacher, even notices this. So, what are we adults worth when we have the drama of a little girl’s life right next to us?
And then, what does bullying look like through the eyes of a child? I think it is not teasing, ignoring, or rejection!
It is her first lonely suffering, in which her body suffers and her soul cries quietly.
<< Back to the list of articles
