The topic of “upbringing” is so delicate that it is rather difficult and problematic to bring it up now because so many professionals are “stuck” in the problem today.
While giving the lecture, I unwittingly, following the audience’s questions (and this was an audience of people, professionally and from many other perspectives), touched on parenting. My request for an answer to one question provoked a strong reaction from the audience and led us quite deeply into the essence of human relations and their consequences.
The question was – Parenting for the child or the child for parenting?
The search for an answer turned into a discussion because it was rather difficult to explain the child’s place in the cluster of awful educational technologies, the purpose of which is to bring up children by any means.
Particularly critical is the revision of education now, under conditions of total psychic EGO discrimination, in which there is no right to choose between PSYCHOSIS and NEUROSIS, for both, have become a means of informational blockade of human consciousness and thought.
Thus, a cause for reflection has arisen – what are the Nurturing of the MODERN MAN and its purpose for later life?
You can find the answer to this question from the point of view of looking for the result of parenting. It is known to be not in the child but in those WHO bring him up. Consequently, the answer also needs an explanation of the positions which determine the content of upbringing. The search for the result of education in modern information systems is rather a labyrinth of empty human discourse, in which the child is lost as a possibility of co-existence with another.
So, what should parents know about parenting in order not to “exterminate” their child with total “blindness” and “glamour”, conforming to the ideal standards of parents and children?
First, good parenting is a technique for dealing with a child’s mental constitution and the peculiarities of its formation throughout life.
Mental constitution refers to the physiological and physical prerequisites for shaping a child’s psyche. As is well known, it is impossible to surpass the mental constitution.
If we give birth to a healthy child, the constitution is measured by sufficiently high adaptability, resilience and ability to change itself and the world around it. Such a child does not need help. The child needs an appropriately organized space for development, formation and life. It is essential not to interfere but to create conditions for a ‘flow of development’ commensurate with the constitution. In this context, nurturing is about guiding the child towards the successful social integration of his capacities, connected with his will and the circulation of mental activity.
If we receive a child with a developmental disability, we have a rather weak constitution and low adaptability to the world around us. Such a child is unlikely to transform his surroundings. He will depend on it and the conditions that it provides for his development and functioning. In this case, our task is more of an exploratory one. In this case, our challenge is more of an exploratory one. We should identify the deficit development zones, that is, those in which there is very little chance for development to succeed (for example, a child with an intellectual disability will not become a nuclear physicist), and identify those zones which require immediate implementation and influence as soon as possible. These are, conventionally, compensatory areas in which development can move within the limits of the opportunities provided to it.
Secondly, parenting is a technology for shaping the self-regulatory activities of the child’s psyche.
Sometimes we are so caught up in realizing the child in our dreams that we forget to disconnect the reality of the child itself from our imagination of the child. Parenting is a kind of “zone” of entry into the world, and we should consider the child’s capabilities, but not our fantasies and illusions about these capabilities. We often think our children are geniuses, although they do not even know it themselves. Consequently, our expectations do not coincide with the child’s impressions of himself, and his life becomes a nightmare if we push him. After all, he still does not understand what we want him to do.
Thirdly, parenting is a reality with which the child builds a relationship.
The more we fantasize about our child, the less he can enter reality and manage himself in it. We are simply creating an artificial world for them, totally covered by our love anxiety. And yet, reality, which is an object, is always self-subordinate.
Consequently, the further we are from reality, the more it dominates us. The world of things and standards does not focus on individuality; its task is to co-subordinate and impose its standards, which, under present conditions, extinguish true human qualities rather than allow the man to be.
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