Child abuse or the nature of bullying (continued)

What are “bullying” relations?

It is essential to consider that the undeniable truth is the CHILD himself. A person is a combination of their nature and upbringing central to their childhood development.

Thus, child abuse is always determined by the aggressive nature of life, the child’s adaptation to it, her upbringing system and her personal predisposition to violence.

As for the emergence of bullying and its peculiar “fashionability”, I see it as a replacement of adaptability by the endless violent solicitation of a child for recognition and love.

How does a child get this insatiable, endless recognition and love?

Conventionally, bullying is a “three-way contract” in which there are:

1. The initiator and author of the bullying. It is the most traumatized of all the participants of bullying relationship.
2. The perpetrator, or the performer. It is the one who asserts himself according to those manners of upbringing that declare leadership and success but exclude the other. Such an exclusive perception of oneself against the background of self-assertion and self-recognition, and only as a “strong figure”.
3. The Protagonist, or the one targeted by the traumatized Initiator and the unacknowledged ruler Aggressor. The Protagonist seeks violence as a model of the destructiveness circulating in the family. It is how he sees himself – as someone who accepts aggression and is so “properly brought up” that he has absolutely no internal capacity to respond.

What causes bullying?

Let’s talk a little about parents who allow gross manipulation of a child, demonstrating a lack of love and emotional attachment to children and, thereby, isolating themselves from them.

What kind of manipulation are we talking about:

1. Children as a trophy. In this case, children reflect the status of “parenthood,” the complacency of having a child (who is brought up either by numerous nannies and governesses or grandparents or by the street, the yard, the hangout). It is this category of children who provoke various forms of bullying. These are children who, by ‘bullying’, are trying to get rid of the ambivalence of a deep sense of abandonment and revenge for an inner desire for love.
2. Children as an end in themselves. These children are the ones who are to play the role of the victim. Here the child is covered by the parents’ hysteria – at all costs to make him successful and famous, the one who owns the world, but where, unfortunately, the child himself does not exist. These children are the ones who have a specific desire to be chosen, to be unique and, of course, to receive endless recognition and love. They are extremely violent when acceptance is either too much or too little and demands subordination. They always know the place of justice, which they pursue with extreme insistence. The only thing is that, in this case, justice reflects breaking the rules rather than upholding them.
3. Children as an illusion of perceiving reality. These children live by the principle of “Stockholm syndrome,” trying to prove to the world in any way that they live. And they will always find someone to bully and take advantage of them. In this context, bullying is a way of realizing a traumatized child in the reality system of a life that is unbearable for him.

It is difficult to admit, but it is the destruction of modern education, the populism and complacency of its representatives, and the perverse perception of reform by its authors, that manifests itself in the substitution of the truth of the child himself.

All these are very effective conditions for the flourishing of child abuse declared today by so many at all levels.

And the name for it is “bullying”.

The only truth is that “things are still there,” and if they are rolling, then in the opposite direction.

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